Where Are All the Good Men?

by: Cindie Chavez

“All the good men are taken,” I heard my client say, very matter-of-factly. I’ve heard that statement more than a few times from clients. I’ve also had clients tell me that all of the men that show interest in them are married, or unavailable in some other way. And I’ve heard the story that all the guys out there “don’t respect women”, and that they “only want one thing.”


If those stories sound familiar to you, I want to tell you a different story today. Here it is: There are oodles of wonderful, respectful, handsome, fun, intelligent men out there that are actually interested in a long term soulmate relationship. It’s true. They’re out there. You just haven’t been able to see them. Yet. Hopefully today we’re going to fix that little problem and you’ll be on track to start meeting them everywhere.

Here are a few reasons why those awesome guys out there might be invisible to you right now.

You’ve been hurt in the past, so you’ve built some defensive walls around you. Respectful guys notice those walls and they respect you too much to push in.

Or maybe because you’ve been hurt by, or possibly involved in a painful divorce with someone who didn’t respect you, now disrespectful guys are really easy for you to spot.

I remember one time a client told me that she wanted a guy that would respect her. I asked her what respect looked like. She started talking about how guys would interrupt her, not care about her opinions, say rude things to her, call her late at night when she’d asked them not to, cancel dates at the last minute…all sorts of disrespectful behavior. But I had asked her what respect looked like. She couldn’t tell me. She was a pro at recognizing disrespect, so of course disrespectful men were coming out of the woodwork in her life.

What we focus on expands.

So when we focus on what we don’t want, we see it everywhere. Our experience is always going to prove our story. And when our story about men is that the good ones are all taken, or that they’re all unavailable, or that all the available men are jerks, that’s what shows up for us. That’s why telling a different story can begin to change everything.

The other part of why those amazing men might be invisible to you has to do with the story you might be telling about yourself.

The world can only give us what we are willing to give our self.

Do you treat yourself with respect? Do you pamper yourself? Do you give yourself credit for having great ideas? Do you take pride in your unique qualities? Do you accept yourself just as you are?

We can’t expect anyone to love, respect, cherish, and accept us just the way we are if we aren’t willing to do these things for our self.

So many of the stories we tell have been told so often that they just become habit. They become “the way things are”…except they don’t have to be.

You can start telling a different story today. You might be surprised at how fast your experience shifts.

There are great men out there looking for their soulmate, a great woman like you.

Believe it. It’s true.

Lisa M. Hayes, the founder of the Score Your Soulmate, wrote a book about how to build a life you love and attract the love of your life. This is a must read for any deliberate creator or anyone who’s been looking for love in all the wrong places. You can grab a copy HERE.



Cindie Chavez is “The Love & Magic Coach”, a certified life and relationship coach specializing in helping clients create lives and relationships full of Love & Magic. You can find her at www.cindiechavez.com where she has some cool free stuff for you.